...I'm still kind of keyed up from work. Adrenaline pumping and all that. I got off a while ago, but it takes me a long, long time to wind down enough to go to sleep. Doesn't help that I came home and played really loud songs to myself about the fictional deaths of peasant girls and the ever-present question that looms in my mind, one that I've wanted to ask people on a number of occasions. This question being, of course, "What would you do if you were sober?"

Eighteen... Geez, I'm already eighteen. I can't believe it. I'll turn around and then I'll be twenty. Next comes thirty, forty, fifty... I can only imagine now that it's going to fly by so fast. I hardly feel eighteen. Life has already been such a blur, and I don't want it to slip through my fingers... The problem is, it's so easy to take life for granted, especially when it's not treating you the way you want it to. I find myself doing just that all the time, usually when I'm at work. Speaking of which, dammit, I forgot to get my schedule for next week... ARGH. I made it a POINT in my head to make sure I checked it before I left tonight... Damn, damn, damn... Oh well, just means I have to check it tomorrow, I guess. Watch, I'll probably forget, and then end up calling on Monday afternoon to see if I'm working or not. Tch.

"Who the hell are you justifying yourself to, and why?" A question for all of us.

I've made an observation. People of homosexual nature, some of whom I'm good friends with, seem to go around wearing the fact that they're homosexual on their sleeves, throwing it in people's faces all the time. I've been wondering lately if it's something they do on purpose, or by accident, or just what exactly. I mean, to each his own. Even if I don't condone their choices, I'm not going to shun people for what they decide to do. I'm sure some of my own life's desicions look just as crazy in other people's eyes. However, I don't walk around and throw things in people's faces like that. I get kind of annoyed with people when they feel the constant need to throw their sexual preference in my face all the time, as if I should somehow magically come to find it in my heart to just accept it as normal. Once again, I'm not bashing people or anything. I'm just curious. It seems like they're trying really, really hard to justify their choices not only to the people around them, but also to themselves. Just an observation.

Upon retrospect, the Interpol album "Antics" is not as bad as I had thought when I bought it sometime last year. I gave it away. I downloaded most of the other night because I find that I actually like the way it sounds now. Heh.

I was watching Cowboy Bebop tonight, the episode with the mushrooms... It was very amusing to see Spike hopped up on illegal mushrooms, climbing the "Stairs to heaven." Ha ha. I also realized that my friend Autumn is very much like Edward. For those of you who know her (really just Beth), I'll show you how Edward acts sometime, and you'll know exactly what I mean, and you'll probably get a helluva kick out of it.

I have to get up in two hours... Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. I'm going to be exhausted tomorrow, and I have all sorts of people wanting to hang out tomorrow before and after work... Shist. I also have to go play music at church. Oh well, I'm basically there to help dad out.

Anyway... I should try and sleep now. Ridiculous really.

Later all.

Cameron